So Hot
by knives4cash
Summary: Jaune and Pyrrha attempt to eat out. Hilarity ensues.


Ninety-nine percent of my brain is telling me that this place is extremely out of fashion. Somehow, "retro-fifties" just doesn't cut it. Seriously, it's unbelievable. Looking around, I take in the red and white tiled floor, walls, booths, tables, and bar stools. We've also got a vanilla plaster ceiling, forrest of rotating fans, and the sounds of a juke box with horrendous audio quality. It has that disgusting neon that runs through tubes fashioned all over it too. Most distasteful. Leaning forward, I place my elbows on the counter of the diner that we're working in, and rest my head on my hands. It's a slow day.

I sense Yang's aura flare briefly. "Hey, Blake." I move my head to the left, still keeping it held in my hands. I watch Yang saunter out of the kitchen in her apron, pulling off her hairnet and unleashing her massive waves of golden hair. "Want me to toss your salad?" She giggles as she comes around and embraces me from behind, pecking me on the cheek.

"Yang, we're on the clock." I remind her firmly, but I do not break the embrace. I can break it whenever I want to.

"And your clock needs cleaning, sexy." She removes my bow and purrs into my ear. Oh, now she's adding some tongue to it. "Or maybe you'd like to lick yourself clean?" She adds with a chuckle as she starts nibbling on my tender cat ears. To be fair, after three years of practice, she has it down to a science.

"Mmrgh." I squirm in her grip. "Yang, you shall decimate whatever business this place can manage to muster." Honestly, it's as if she wants this place to go out of business.

"We can close down the diner and open up a live-action lesbian porn shop." She spins me around and hoists me up onto the counter. Keeping her arms wrapped around my back, she buries her head into my chest. "We can hire people off the street to promote our live-actions." She grins, looking up into my eyes with such devious sparkles of vision.

I sigh. "And how would we include Ruby and Weiss this pornographic business?" I ask, humoring her fantasy. It's not like we'll get any customers.

She immediately responds, "I'm totally down with a foursome." Sweet lord, she's serious.

Ugh, of course she is. "Of course you are." I cannot help but smirk and reward her ambition with a peck on the lips. "And would you like to make it an eight-some with Team JNPR while you're at it?"

"Hmmm." She looks down, giving it a few seconds of thought. "I'm cool with it." She looks beyond me. "What about it, guys? You're young, and you could always use the money."

I reel around. There, standing in the doorway, is a blushing Jaune Arc and an amused Pyrrha Nikos. "OH!" I hop down from the counter, pushing Yang out of my way, despite her verbal protests. "Oh! I am SO sorry!" I can feel my face heating up. "She was just joking!"

"No I wasn't."

"Shut up, or I won't touch you for a month." I whisper into her ear. "Jaune, Pyrrha, please, come in." I bow humbly and immediately grab two menus from underneath the counter. "Would you like a booth, or would you rather sit at the bar?" I put on my best smile. Huh, I didn't even sense them come in. Confound it, Yang. You're stealing my sense of surroundings along with my love.

Jaune looks around, red still dominating his face. "I, um, I guess we might as well sit at the bar?" He looks to Pyrrha for reassurance.

She chuckles. "I suppose, but I like Yang's idea better."

"Finally! Someone who can dream!" Yang laughs as she adjusts her apron and fluffs up her hair, completely disregarding the hairnet.

"Yeah, let's not talk about that." Jaune quickly murmurs, awkwardly coughing into his knuckles.

"Bar it is then!" I gleam with joy. Finally! Our first customers for the day, and it's not even- Huh, it IS noon. I quickly walk to the end of the serving isle and enter the kitch- "ACK!"

Before me stands Ruby, who has Weiss perched on the kitchen island. Its usual contents of ingredients have been pushed to the side to make room for a certain princess's bottom. Their chef hats are discarded, as are their aprons, and their hairnets... and other articles of clothing. The two of them freeze mid kiss, grope, and moan.

Ruby slowly pulls her face and tongue out of Weiss. "It's exactly what it looks like." She admits.

Connecting my palm firmly with my face, I groan. "Get dressed. We have two customers." I don't stick around for a reply and move back to the bar. I breathe with relief to see that Jaune and Pyrrha have settled in, pleasantly chatting with Yang.

"Blake! Join us!" Yang motions for me. "Pyrrha and Jaune had a crazy date!" She gleams with joy. I swear, it's like she runs on gossip. If she's not dragging me around to stalk her own sister and HER affairs, it's Team JNPR who she sets sights through binoculars on. "Go on, tell her what you told me!" She gives Jaune a playful shove on the shoulder.

Shaking his head, he chuckles. "Hey, Blake. Pyrrha and I went dancing." Oh dear.

I groan. "There are a multitude of possible horrors that can fall upon one when doing that." I recall with dread.

"Really?" Pyrrha asks. "Why don't you go first, then?"

"Yes, please do." Jaune motions for me to take over. "I didn't know you could dance."

"Yang and I make it a habit to never let the floor cool down for too long." I smirk. Mmmmh, I was quite shocked and aroused to discover Yang's flexibility. "It happens almost every time. Whenever we get going, someone will come up and start hitting on one of us."

"Mostly on me!" Yang adds with a smirk as she tosses her hair back to emphasize her point.

"And they're mostly gingers with weight issues." I bite back. Yes, Yang, this kitty does indeed have claws.

"Well, I didn't get hit on by anyone." Jaune confesses. He idly scratches the side of his head. "But everyone DID laugh at my moves."

"Which was very mean of them." Pyrrha frowns, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I thought you were very-!" She falters. Oh boy. "Very... enthusiastic!"

Jaune places his hand over Pyrrha's. "Thanks."

Yang claps her hands together. "Okay, you two, get a room!" She holds up the menus. "Or at least order something!"

The two lovebirds each take one. "The Ruby Ring." Pyrrha reads aloud. "Huh."

"I'm confused too." Jaune asks, "Why does the sign out front say 'Kevin's Canteen'?"

"Because we work for Kevin and Ruby really wants it to be her place she's working at?" Yang offers.

"That brings up another question." Pyrrha adds, setting down the menu. "WHY are you working a job? The four of you are pretty much set for life, are you not?"

"Two reasons." I answer, "One: We're not going to freeload off of Weiss. And two: Ruby has to prove to Weiss that she's responsible with money."

"So she's working this job, and the rest of you came along out of pity?" Jaune deduces.

"No, we tagged along to make sure that she wouldn't somehow burn the place down." I correct.

"Oh." The two daters mutter.

"If you ask me," I whisper loudly to make sure that Yang can hear. "I think it's genetic."

"One time!" Yang exclaims. "ONE time! I burn the kitchen down!"

"And put us all in body casts." I add. Wow, it's getting hot in here. When did that happen?

"I thought my hair wouldn't grow back." Jaune nods with me.

"Oh, gee." Yang staggers back, clutching her heart. "It's like you've shot me with an arrow. The point has been taken that hard."

Pyrrha chuckles. "How about we order?" She offers.

The two open up their menus and immediately stop. Oh dear. I'm sweating from nervousness. No, wait, I'm not nervous, just getting really hot. Seriously, why is it getting so hot in here?

"The only thing here is an oatmeal cookie." Pyrrha states, looking up at me.

"I know." I nod.

"Seriously, that's it." Jaune stares at the menu with confusion.

"It's Ruby's personal menu." Yang clarifies.

"Come to think of it." I snap my fingers and turn to Yang. "This MIGHT be why we're not getting any customers at lunch hour."

"Hey, that's actually something to think ab-" Yang stops, sniffing the air. "Do you smell that?" The rest of us sample the quality of the air. Burning. Oh dear.

"Hello, beautiful people!" Weiss emerges from the kitchen, her face and apron blackened. "So, we've got a very small problem!"

"THE KITCHEN'S ON FIRE!" Ruby screams, running through the double doors. She too is completely blackened by smoke. "EVERY LESBIAN FOR HERSELF!" She exclaims as she grabs Weiss by the hand and runs out of the diner.

That explains the heat. I groan. "She almost got through her first day." So, so close. I sigh with disappointment.

"Oh well." Yang shrugs. "What can you do?"

"Um, gee, I dunno." Jaune asks, "Maybe put out the fire?"

"Boy, I fight Grimm and angry girlfriends-"

"Hey!" I gawk at her. I'm only angry at her when she- Well, I can't think of anything Yang could possibly do to make me mad. She's just so wonderful.

"-NOT fires!" She closes the distance between us and hoists me up into her arms. "Now if you two could get the doors for us before this place burns down, I'd appreciate it."

"Kevin will be most furious." I remark as Jaune and Pyrrha open the door for us as we step outside. Ruby and Weiss have crammed themselves into a phone booth, and from the looks of it, both are yelling into the phone.

"Weiss can just buy him a new diner." Yang declares.

"I thought you said you weren't going to freeload off of Weiss." Pyrrha recalls as we cross the street to meet up with Ruby and Weiss.

"Shut up." Yang grumbles.

I nestle up into her chest and sigh with brief contentment. There's just a moment's silence before fire truck sirens echo into rang.


End file.
